By Pastor Adam Sinnett

From Sept 21st thru Nov 30th, 2008 Mars Hill Church studied the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). The series, called The Peasant Princess, addressed important, albeit controversial, issues pertaining to gender, marriage, relationships, dating and sex. You can listen and watch previous sermons in this series, among many others, at westseattle.marshillchurch.org under “Media”. You can also follow this link to read questions and answers on Christian Sex (mature content warning) that Pastor Mark addressed on the Mars Hill Church blog.

The purpose of this series of posts was to answer questions posed by those attending West Seattle that Pastor Mark was unable to get to. These are some remaining questions that were asked.

Q: “Any advice for exhausted parents?”

A: This question was asked and answered at the 11:15am service during week one of the series. Due to technical difficulties in WS it was not seen. However, the Q&A from that service, along with Mark and Grace’s answer to this question, can be seen here

Q: “How does this series apply to those who will remain unmarried?”

A: First of all, unless you’ve received a very clear word from God, no one knows for certain whether they will remain unmarried throughout their life (though it may feel like it!). That being the case, if you are single, this is a great series for you to be thinking through how to prepare yourself to be a wife or husband. Many of the problems experienced in marriage are a result of lack of preparation, proper self-assessment and repentance while still single.

Secondly, though the context of the series is marriage, the themes of sexuality, gender, and relationship apply to everyone.

Third, if you never become married, you will know someone who is and as a brother or sister in Christ your desire should be to help them in any way you can by providing sincere, helpful biblical wisdom – which is the aim of the series.

Fourth, Eph 5:32 tells us that marriage represents the relationship between Christ and the church. As much of the series is dealing with marital and relational issues, we should also be considering what blocks and what stirs our affections for Jesus Christ.

Q: “Is there sex in heaven?”

A: The answer to this question begins by asking a different question, “Is there marriage in heaven?” as all forms of sex are designed and intended for use within marriage. Mt 22:30 (cf Lk 20:34-36) tells us that in the resurrection people will “neither marry nor are given in marriage.” That makes it pretty clear. Additionally, the functions of sex, including having kids, enjoyment of your spouse, and provision against temptation will no longer be necessary in heaven as Christians will be fully satisfied, fulfilled, and perfected as we dwell continually in “the presence of his glory with rejoicing.” (Jude 1:24)

Q: “I ask my wife to dress for me only (wear what I find appealing) and she is good with that. A brother challenged me saying it is too controlling?”

A: Whether or not you are being controlling depends on how and why you ask your wife to dress for you. Ultimately it’s a heart issue. If your aim is to restrict her freedom, impress others with her physical features and/or you command her to dress a particular way that is clearly sinful and controlling. However, I’d bet that your wife wants to wear what you like. If she wants to dress for anyone else you have other problems. If you’ve mutually agreed upon how you can love one another through how you dress (with modesty in public and freedom in private) and your motivation is to love her as Christ loved the church and as your own body Eph 5:25,28) then this isn’t an issue of control but practical love.

Q: “I have made poor choices in my past. I don’t respect sex as the sacred thing it is anymore and I want to. How do I?”

A: Believe it or not, you’ve already begun by recognizing your sin and desiring to change. Our character isn’t something that is formed overnight but through decisions we make day-by-day, minute-by-minute. Here are some practical suggestions. First, if you haven’t already, acknowledge your sin to Jesus, ask him to forgive you and to empower you to change going forward. Second, continue to attend the Peasant Princess series to receive biblical instruction on these issues and, on your own, spend time in the scriptures allowing your understanding of sex to be redefined (Rom 12:2). Third, get plugged into community and don’t go it alone. We live in a hyper-individualistic culture so the resistance to community is strong, but it’s part of God’s ordained mechanism for growth to take place in our life. It will be important for you to share your story, bring your sin into the light and seek out mutually edifying friendships within the church. If you think you need additional help email care@marshillchurch.org.

Q: “How should a woman respond to her husband if he isn’t a one woman man? If she isn’t his standard of beauty?”

A: There’s no way to get through this without real, sincere, heart-wrenching conversations – likely many. Your greatest weapon will be prayer. Ultimately the weight of responsibility rests on the man to step up and become a one-woman man and for him to make you his standard of beauty. You can’t make him do that. What you can do is ask him how you can help and be persistent in prayer for him, but in the end he has to be brought to a place of repentance for true change to take place. This is something that has to be dealt with now as your marriage is in jeopardy. Email care@marshillchurch.org to start the process.

Q: “Is it sin to lust after your spouse?”

A: No. “Lust” means to strongly desire. The issue isn’t so much lust as it is what you’re lusting after. The same Greek word for lust can have a positive or negative connotation depending what adjective is attached to it. In Lk 22:15 Jesus earnestly desired to eat the Passover. In Phil 1:23, Paul states that he strong desires to be with Jesus in heaven. Likewise, the adjectives ‘worldly’, ‘evil’, ‘youthful’, and ‘deceitful’ are attached to the same word in Tit 2:12, Col 3:5, 2 Tim 2:2 and Eph 4:22 to indicate sinful lust or strong desire. That being said, it is entirely appropriate to strongly desire your spouse.

For more questions and answers from the Song of Songs series, check out:

Pastor Adam’s Full Follow Up Q&A List

Sermon and Q&A Session Audio/Video

Pastor Mark’s Q&A on MHC Blog