By Pastor Adam Sinnett

From Sept 21st thru Nov 30th, 2008 Mars Hill Church studied the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). The series, called The Peasant Princess, addressed important, albeit controversial, issues pertaining to gender, marriage, relationships, dating and sex. You can listen and watch previous sermons in this series, among many others, at westseattle.marshillchurch.org under “Media”. You can also follow this link to read questions and answers on Christian Sex (mature content warning) that Pastor Mark addressed on the Mars Hill Church blog.

The purpose of this series of posts was to answer questions posed by those attending West Seattle that Pastor Mark was unable to get to. These are some remaining questions that were asked.

Q: “Is it a sin for Sarah Palin to run for V.P.?” (and)
Q: “Is it a sin for a (married) mom to have a job or career?” (and)
Q: “Is it sinful for a wife with kids to provide for a season so her husband can go back to school to become a better provider. He is the sole provider now.”

A: These questions are asking the same thing, “Is it a sin for a mom to have a career outside the home?” I answered a similar question, and its theological foundation, last week under “But what is the woman’s financial responsibility?” Read that first here. I’ll add to it below.

To help answer this question I will quote a section at length from Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, by Carolyn Mahaney (wife of pastor and author CJ Mahaney) whose primary audience is women asking the questions above:

“So what does God’s Word have to say to wives and mothers about working from home? First, the obvious conclusion we can draw from the Titus 2 (Titus 2:3-5) command – to be “working at home” – is that the principle place of work for wives and mothers is at home. Also, in 1 Timothy Paul counseled the younger widows to marry, bear children, and manage their households (1 Tim 5:14). Then we have the noble woman in Proverbs 31, whom Scripture puts forth as the ideal wife and mother: Home was her sphere of work.

“Scripture is clear that men are responsible to be the providers for the home (1 Tim 5:8), while the women are responsible to be the caretakers of the home. Now the Bible does not say that wives and mothers are never allowed to work outside the four walls of their houses; nor does it preclude them from receiving wages for work. Scripture provides examples of godly women who worked in other settings and earned extra income, but never to the neglect of their families and homes.

“The Proverbs 31 woman is one such model. During her lifetime she pursued many endeavors beyond the confines of her house. She worked among the poor and needy, she traveled, she bought real estate and planted vineyards, she made linen garments and sashes and sold them, she participated in trading – but her primary motive and goal with all these enterprises was to serve her family and home. This woman’s attentiveness to her home is God’s standard for our conduct. Working at home must always remain a constant and ongoing priority in our lives…

“Since God orders our lives in seasons, there will be periods of time when pursuits outside the home will not compromise the quality of our work at home. Obviously, a woman whose children are grown and gone or a woman who does not have children has more discretionary time for efforts beyond her home than a woman with three small children.

“But whenever we contemplate opportunities outside the home, we must first consider what consequences they might have on our families. We must also evaluate our motives. We should ask ourselves questions such as:

• What are my reasons for considering this opportunity? Are they selfish or God-honoring?
• Will pursuing this venture glorify God and honor the gospel?
• Is this an undertaking that will help my husband?
• Will it enhance and enrich the lives of my family?
• Does this endeavor hinder my role as caretaker of my home?

“Questions like these will help us to make wise decisions, for it is imperative that we never lose sight of our primary obligation to our homes.” (Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, Carolyn Mahaney, pp104-105)

The principle given to us in the Bible is that mothers and wives are to be primarily homeward oriented. Should they consider work outside the home, their obligations to the home must always be kept in view as primary. If they engage in work outside the home it must never be at the expense or neglect of the home and family (e.g. such as if work required children to be regularly left in childcare). What this looks like will invariably change through each season in life, though the underlying principle of remaining homeward oriented remains the same.

Q: “How do I handle a situation where my spouse is protecting and even hiding a fox?”

A: It depends on what type of “fox” it is. Yet, whatever the case may be, you begin by lovingly and prayerfully talking to him about it. A similar question was asked last week here under, “I know a seminary student who has been cheating on his wife. She keeps confronting him, but he apologizes and continues sinning. What should she do now?” What is true of cheating in that case is also true of intentionally hiding “foxes” (which is a form of cheating if your spouse is intentionally sabotaging the marriage).

Q: “If after seeing a Mars Hill counselor, redemption group, accountability, and the “4 horseman” are all still a huge problem – and now we are pregnant – what is a wife to do?”

A: First, the problems in your marriage have taken time to get to the point where they are and it will take some time for things to improve. It is easy to think, “If I only jump through these hoops things will get better”. In reality, its not the “jumping through hoops” that brings change but trusting Jesus while putting into action (Php 2:12-13) the scriptural wisdom of a counselor, working through the redemption group material and living in the light in accountability with another Godly couple – step-by-step, day-by-day. We can’t merely rely on others to change us, though they can significantly help, but must also lead ourselves understanding that we are responsible for our own actions (James 1:14-15; Heb 9:27). Throughout this process it’s important to stay involved in community in which you are being open and honest about your struggles (James 5:16; Heb 10:25). Second, keep in mind that it is the Lord who opens and closes the womb (Jer 1:5; Isa 49:5; Isa 44:24). He knows what you’re going through and that adding pregnancy to the equation seemingly complicates things (Ps 139). It seems he is bringing you two to the end of yourselves – the point at which you have nowhere else to go but to Jesus. That’s exactly where he wants you. If you need to recalibrate, it may be helpful to return to the Mars Hill pastor or counselor that you were seeing to set-up a plan for moving forward and then work the plan. If you’re not in a community group, get plugged in be emailing westseattlecommunity@marshillchurch.org.

Q: “Does verse 2:15 imply that the primary responsibility for catching the little foxes belongs to the husband?”

A: It could, but I wouldn’t use it as my primary supporting text. One of the basic principles of studying the Bible is to let the explicit texts (that which is clear) interpret the implicit texts (that which is not so clear) to prevent the reader from reading a particular meaning into an unclear text. The way to be faithful to the scriptures as you study them, and avoid misinterpretation, is to check scripture with scripture. I’d say that the interpretation “the responsibility for catching the little foxes belongs to the husband” is, at best, implicit in this text. That doesn’t mean that statement is false, rather it is unclear whether that is the meaning of that particular text. There are other texts that support that statement much more clearly, such as Eph 5:25-30.

Q: “What do you say to those of us who have never been in a relationship and marriage looks grim in our future?”

A: First, there were a couple questions pertaining to singleness last week that you may find helpful, particularly “Do I have to be married to be happy?” Second, the fact that you have never been in a relationship is not a valid indicator of whether you will ever be married. It could just mean that your first boyfriend or girlfriend will be your future spouse and that is a much more beautiful thing than having dated around. Third, I’d say put your faith in the infinite God of the Bible and not your own finite assessment of the future. Our assessment of the future is always wrong because we don’t know the future. But, our good God does know the future and, in Christ, he is for us (Jer 29:11-13; Mt 11:28-30). This is why Paul could confidently pray “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think…” (Eph 3:20) In the meantime, pray for your future spouse, proceed in faith, use this season of singleness for the Lord, know that God has your best in mind, and don’t forget to look right in front of you – you never know whom God may place there.

Q: “I am newly married and recently found out my husband had an emotional affair. We are seeking counseling, but how can I find the security needed to trust him going forward?”

A: I’m so sorry to hear that. First, unfortunately it’s going to take some time for the trust to be rebuilt and for you to feel safe. Second, though security needs to be rebuilt with your husband, in Christ, you are secure and protected by God the Father (Ps 139). You are not alone (Mt 10:26-33). Third, thank God that it is out in the light and that you are able to seek counseling together. It is often through the most difficult of times that God changes us the most. My encouragement to you both is to be actively involved in the process, seek Jesus together, pray for one another, be open about what’s taking place in your heart, express your concerns, take lots of time for one another and find a godly older couple whom you can learn from. A significant amount of time needs to be spent rebuilding the foundation, just make sure you do so in community. Stay connected. If you’re not in a community group email westseattlecommunity@marshillchurch.org to get plugged in.

For more questions and answers from the Song of Songs series, check out:

Pastor Adam’s Full Follow Up Q&A List

Sermon and Q&A Session Audio/Video

Pastor Mark’s Q&A on MHC Blog