By Pastor Adam Sinnett

From Sept 21st thru Nov 30th, 2008 Mars Hill Church studied the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). The series, called The Peasant Princess, addressed important, albeit controversial, issues pertaining to gender, marriage, relationships, dating and sex. You can listen and watch previous sermons in this series, among many others, at westseattle.marshillchurch.org under “Media”. You can also follow this link to read questions and answers on Christian Sex (mature content warning) that Pastor Mark addressed on the Mars Hill Church blog.

The purpose of this series of posts was to answer questions posed by those attending West Seattle that Pastor Mark was unable to get to. These are some remaining questions that were asked.

Q: “I’m divorced. I know it’s a sin. I have had a hard time forgiving myself. I have asked God’s forgiveness. I really don’t know – can I ever get married again?”

A: The only forgiveness that ultimately matters is God’s forgiveness, which is received in faith. (Ps 103:11,12; Isa 53:6; Rom 6:23; Eph 2:8,9; 1Jn 1:9) It would be ideal to speak with others in your community group about this. If you’re not in a group email westseattlecommunity@marshillchurch.org. Otherwise, email care@marshillchurch.org to set up a time to meet with a pastor to discuss your divorce and whether remarriage is a possibility. Our primary goal, when possible, is to bring about full reconciliation and remarriage.

Q: “I believe my Christian ex-wife, whom I sinfully married & divorced, still suffers. I’m remarried & worshipping. How can or should I serve my ex? Thru her dad?”

A: There are some questions that are too complicated, due to a myriad of unknown variables, to answer in this format and this is one of them. Much of the answer will be dependent upon what your new wife is comfortable with. You are responsible for her and technically no longer responsible for your ex-wife who now falls back underneath her father’s covering. However, if she has certain tangible needs (such as financial) as a result of the divorce it could be appropriate for you to help. Going through her father would be the preferred means of communication. Make sure to check whether your motivation is to truly help or atone for what has happened in the past. If you’d like to meet with a pastor to discuss further email care@marshillchurch.org.

Q: “I’m a gal who has a good male friend. He is a Christian, has a job, but I am not physically attracted to him. Is that important or should I date him?”

A: First, it’s important that you’re attracted to the whole person – intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and physically – because it is the whole package that you’re after. However, that said, physical attraction is only as important as it is to you. For most, some level of physical attractiveness is important, but over the years it’s also the one that is going to change the most. You’re not obligated to respond to his leadings, but it may also be a good opportunity. You have freedom here and should seek wisdom in prayer and the counsel of others in your community.

Q: “There is this a young lady I’m totally into although she has no faith. I would like to finish your relationships series with her. What would you recommend here?”

A: A similar question was asked here during week one under, “What about Christians marrying non-Christians?” The purpose of courting/dating is marriage therefore I would not recommend dating a non-Christian for the reasons laid out in the post linked above.

Q: “Can volunteering too much be a fox?”

A: Yes, anything inside the marriage that threatens to weaken marital intimacy, disrupt connectedness, and increase distance between a husband and a wife is a “fox”.

Q: “For singles what steps can we take to transform our selfish mindset in preparation for marriage?”

A: Growing out of selfishness, and thus in service to others, is a life long process that all Christians are called to whether they are single or married. We see this clearly in Jesus’ summation of the second greatest commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mt 22:39) We see it also in Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…” (Mt 7:12) The primary way we grow in humility and other-centeredness is by bending all of our energies to finding our greatest delight, joy and hope outside of ourselves and in Jesus Christ. (Mt 13:44,45) If you want to prepare to be a good husband or wife, put all your energies into pursuing Jesus, not merely character traits. The character will follow your passionate pursuit of deep, abiding relationship with Jesus Christ.

For more questions and answers from the Song of Songs series, check out:

Pastor Adam’s Full Follow Up Q&A List

Sermon and Q&A Session Audio/Video

Pastor Mark’s Q&A on MHC Blog