By Pastor Adam Sinnett

From Sept 21st thru Nov 30th, 2008 Mars Hill Church studied the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon). The series, called The Peasant Princess, addressed important, albeit controversial, issues pertaining to gender, marriage, relationships, dating and sex. You can listen and watch previous sermons in this series, among many others, at westseattle.marshillchurch.org under “Media”. You can also follow this link to read questions and answers on Christian Sex (mature content warning) that Pastor Mark addressed on the Mars Hill Church blog.

The purpose of this series of posts was to answer questions posed by those attending West Seattle that Pastor Mark was unable to get to. These are some remaining questions that were asked.

Q: “What do we do with pet sin (ongoing known sin)?”

A: Repentance must take place (1 John 1:5-10). For more on what that entails listen to week 6 of the Peasant Princess. The first tier of approaching ongoing sin in the life of your spouse is to be honest with one another through regular and loving communication. The second tier is to seek help outside your marriage in community, ideally in a community group. The third tier would be to contact care@marshillchurch.org and walk through the triage process to get assessed in order to determine what level of care you or your spouse may need. This could result in enrollment in a redemption group or an appointment with a biblical counselor.

Q: “I am pregnant and work. My husband says I don’t do enough things around the home, do I just need to suck it up and do more?”

A: In the end, I recommend that your husband work harder so that you can stay at home and take care of it and the child that you are expecting. That would solve the problem. (cf 1 Tim 5:8)

Q: “Do you think counseling is an option when problems just seem too big to handle on our own?”

A: First, start in community. Most problems don’t need a trained counselor to address but input from loving brothers and sisters. If you’re not in a community group, I recommend finding one near you that meets on a convenient night. Email westseattlecommunity@marshillchurch.org for more information. However, if the issues in your life are beyond the scope of those in your group it may very well be time to request additional help. If you need help or an outside perspective on what your next step should be email care@marshillchurch.org.

Q: “You say you can’t forgive without Jesus, but what about those who don’t have Jesus. Are you saying they can’t forgive properly?”

A: Without Jesus you can’t forgive deeply for two primary reasons. First, Christians understand they are sinners who are forgiven and saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, apart from anything they have done. (Eph 2:8-9) Therefore Christians live lives of grace, forgiving much just as they’ve been forgiven much. (Eph 4:32) Unbelievers who have not experienced the grace of God in Jesus will not be able to give than same grace to others.

Secondly, Christians understand that God deals justly with all sin, which makes it possible to forgive deeply. On the one hand, God poured out his just punishment for our sin on Jesus Christ on the cross – for all who would believe in him. God doesn’t merely forgive our sin by forgetting it, but rather by punishing another in our place – Jesus Christ. (1 Cor 15:3-5) On the other hand, God promises to one day justly judge all those who do not believe in Jesus Christ for their sin. (Heb 9:27)

Either way, a Christian understands that God is just and that he will in one way or another justly deal with all sin (for Christians on the cross and non-Christians ultimately at the day of judgment). Knowing this, and that he or she has been forgiven much, the Christian is able to forgive much more deeply and profoundly than those outside of relationship with Jesus Christ.

Q: “How do I ask someone to forgive me when they will not talk to me?”

A: Deal with your sin before God first (1 John 1:9) and then do what you can (email, letter, note, etc), pray and wait for the Lord’s timing. (Ps 31:24; 33:20; 130:5)

Q: “Is physical violence or threat of it forgivable in a marriage?”

A: All sin is forgivable (Mt 12:31; 18:21-22) but there are ramifications for sin, some of which are greater than others (e.g. going to jail). Forgiveness is not the same as trust. You can forgive someone but not trust him. You can forgive someone but still report him to the police because a crime has occurred. If you are in a dangerous position it’s important that you remove yourself from that environment and let someone know, such as your community group, immediately. If you’re on your own email westseattle@marshillchurch.org for help.

Q: “How do you practice restitution when money is not involved?”

A: Money will not be involved in most cases. Rather, restitution will often take the form of changing your way of sinful living, being in community, living in the light and taking daily steps to rebuild what was broken through sin (character, integrity, reputation, trust, respect, relationships, time lost, etc).

Q: “What are the best scriptures to meditate on for forgiveness in relationships?

A: Here are some places to start – Eph 4:32; Col 3:13; Mt 18:21-22; Mt 6:14; Luke 6:35-37.

Q: “How long do you keep forgiving someone who keeps sinning against you?”

A: (Mt 18:21-22) 21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Q: “What are you supposed to do when someone sins against you but they are not convicted and/or don’t even realize that they’re hurting you?”

A: Without knowing all of the details I’ll provide a few suggestions. First, it’s important to assess your own heart and forgive them regardless of their (or lack of) response. Second, use discernment in determining when to “overlook an offense” (Pr 19:9) and when it is appropriate to lovingly confront. They may not even know the effect their words or actions are having upon you until you talk to them directly. Don’t let it drag on longer than necessary but deal with it as soon as possible. (Eph 4:26)

For more questions and answers from the Song of Songs series, check out:

Pastor Adam’s Full Follow Up Q&A List

Sermon and Q&A Session Audio/Video

Pastor Mark’s Q&A on MHC Blog (MATURE CONTENT)